She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
