My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
