Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
