I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
