I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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