I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
