im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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