WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Two words: blizzard sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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