Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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