Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
