I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
