After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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