At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
