I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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