i permit you to call me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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