Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My hand turned me down
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
