I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
