Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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