just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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