She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
