Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize