Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
