I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
