Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
