I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
