So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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