someone threw a dead crab at me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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