I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
smell my finger.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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