K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so let's talk penis.
two words: eviction party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
