My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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