Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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