This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
