I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have feelings that need drinking.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
