My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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