Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
