True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
