you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
