guys are only as good as the porn they watch
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
