I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize