I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
