Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
