11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
