I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
