How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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