I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
