you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
