woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
