I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
