Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
...so i touched it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
