check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
