and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
