Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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