thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
