Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the raccoons are back...
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