Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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