Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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