i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
