thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i don't like sucking hair
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize