When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
