Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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