went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
