I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
