The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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