How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
