It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
