I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
