Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
