just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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