I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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