i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
