And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
