hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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