Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
