who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
