ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
