At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
