he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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