lets start a swedish sibling band together
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
