He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
