I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
