I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
